Run BTS Rewatch Episode 31: Squashy Tomatoes

추억의 예능 2, Retro Variety Show 2

When last we saw our heroes, they were being trolled relentlessly by Min Yoongi until they all considered physical solutions to their problem. They were also wearing 90s clothing in a manner they considered truly embarrassing, and fighting for the right to not have to wear it ever again. Will Team Kim Seokjin pull it off as seemingly ordained by the universe? Or will Team Glasses, powered by Namjoon’s fervor to be fashion-forward at the airport, win? And is Yoongi truly blessed by the gods of entertainment? Let’s find out!

Setup:

It’s some more games, and someone will win more of them and then win the whole thing. That’s it, that’s the concept. Team Glasses was winning at the last check-point, but we have a few more to go…

The Moments of Pure Love:

1. The next game is “steel case bag”, where something is placed in a steel case with a sliding panel and the MC raises and lowers it very quickly so you can guess what’s inside in a delightfully pre-technology manner

2. Everyone knows what it is except for Jungkook, who is both the youngest and the one most likely to evaporate useless memories from his brain

3. Yoongi has to practice raising and lowering the slide to avoid utterly embarrassing himself, and it works because when he does it the first time I can barely even see there’s an inside

4. VHope, the first contestants, are mystified by the contents, though they guess valiantly

5. Jimin, from the back, loudly complains that time is constructed in such a way that eyeballs can’t see things that quickly, so he leans forward with his eyes open as wide as possible to counteract physics

6. Jungkook also can’t see anything, and gives up, but eagle-eyed Namjoon had it very early and is nearly at the point of combustion because he can’t tell Taehyung the answer

7. Taehyung and Hoseok, who can at least see something of what’s inside, guess and guess and guess

8. Taehyung eventually figures it out, but he doesn’t know the word for sponge, and “the thing you wash dishes with” is not considered an acceptable answer by MC Yoongi

9. Team Kim Seokjin hug each other in triumph and Hoseok does a victory dance for himself while Taehyung tries to figure out what went wrong

10. Jikook, the non-seeing ones, go next, but Jungkook gets it on the first try because when he’s under pressure he always delivers

11. Jimin still hasn’t seen a single thing in his entire life and someone will die for it

12. Namjin now become the tiebreakers, and the tension is ratcheted up to eleven for everyone, including Yoongi

13. Yoongi, like the little shit that he is, has crumpled up a mask and shoved it in the box, and it looks like nothing at all

14. Namjoon and Jin agree, and guess approximately a million things without getting it right

15. Namjoon in particular is getting very anxious and annoyed, because he knows he’s seen the object well but he can’t identify it at all

16. Jihope have figured it out and try to beam the knowledge into Jin’s brain by kneeling behind him with their arms crossed sternly

17. Taekook are trying to group-solve the problem in the back but Yoongi tells them to be quiet so as not to accidentally give hints

18. Yoongi, smug as hell, fumbles the next lift and gets the slide stuck so that there is several seconds of being able to simply stare at the item as he frantically wiggles it metallically

19. This is enough for Namjoon to figure it out, and he celebrates with Team Glasses while Yoongi berates them all for not knowing a crumpled up mask when they saw one

20. Jimin is worried that they can’t catch up but Yoongi assures him that all things are possible in his realm

21. The next game is kung kung ta, which is a chain word game where you have to say a three syllable word that starts with the given letter, then the next person has to start THEIR word with the last syllable of yours and also it’s all happening very fast

22. To start the rhythm of the game they chant “Kung Kung Taaaaa Kung Kung Ta” over and over again, and Yoongi is absolutely bursting at the seams with energy for this chant

23. After the practice round that goes through the whole line, people think back and realize that Taehyung confidently said a word that may or may not be real so they’ve got to search them up if there’s question

24. Taehyung pouts and says it was going too fast, so Yoongi says he will adjust the speed

25. Yoongi does the next round even faster

26. Yoongi also gets so into his chant that he doesn’t start them and instead just dances around chanting while they all stare at him

27. They start with Bang this time, which Jungkook parlays into Bang Sihyuk and Jimin takes to Hyukgi hyung, which is just some guy that they know that works at Big Hit and stops them all with laughter

28. Yoongi says they all know him so it’s acceptable and moves on at the speed of light

29. Taehyung, flustered, just calls out for a hyung, and everyone stops again to laugh

30. This leads to an enormous and spirited debate about how any of this should actually work, with everyone essentially arguing for whatever rule would let their team win

31. Ultimately they choose to accept Jimin’s and reject Taehyung’s, but then make the future rule that names aren’t allowed unless they’re famous people for everyone

32. Taehyung and Namjoon switch places, because it’s clear this is not Taehyung’s game and Namjoon wants the pitches to come to him

33. Hoseok is also now starting to dance along with the chant, as Yoongi cannot be stopped by anyone

34. Jungkook stares into space with his mouth open and tries to think of as many words as he can fit in his brain

35. Hoseok says a word that is definitely not real but unlike Taehyung he gives himself away by laughing before he’s done

36. He has to start with a new syllable, and he can’t think of any words even though the rest of them can think of dozens

37. Namjoon starts saying words a mile a minute and Hoseok is like “sweet I can say at least one of those thanks bro”

38. Hoseok is now raised up on his knees for better dancing

39. Namjoon is tripped up by the Bang Sihyuk → Hyukgi hyung situation, even though he was one of the most vocal against using names when it was Jimin, and his chagrin at being hoisted by his own petard is epic

40. As Team Kim Seokjin revel in this point, Namjoon asks, quite seriously, if there is even a word that actually starts with hyuk

41. Hoseok says one right away, startling even himself, and Jimin is proud and Jin berates him for saying it out loud and helping out the other team

42. Yoongi decides to take the chant to a laid-back groove and really makes a meal of it

43. Hoseok fully stands up to get his whole body involved in this dance

44. Jungkook gets stuck on his word and Taehyung whispers an answer to him, blatantly cheating, but Yoongi lets it ride

45. Something also happens with Hoseok that I don’t quite understand but Yoongi also says it’s fine because of interchangeable vowel sounds, something repeated with Jungkook, so I think he mostly just wants the game to last more than three people

46. Namjoon brings out “Rock genre” in basically Konglish, confusing Jimin utterly, and when they look it up this is not a word in Naver dictionary so Team Kim Seokjin has, improbably, won this game

47. Namjoon is bereft

48. Jungkook laughs softly to himself at the nature of destiny

49. It’s all tied up so the next game will decide all

50. They all change into pajamas in a magical screen wipe as Yoongi explains this is the half-asleep game, where they listen to a song once, take a e0 minute nap, then have to sing the song perfectly after the nap

51. Pajama description (all are matching tops and bottoms of the sort Kim Seokjin might design)

    1. Jungkook: Black and white checkerboard, grey slippers

    2. Namjoon: A photo negative of Jungook, black slippers

    3. Taehyung: Solid royal purple, black slippers

    4. Yoongi: Red and black plaid, pink slippers

    5. Jimin: Blue with white polka dots, pink slippers

    6. Jim: Red and white plaid, black slippers

    7. Hoseok: Light blue with pink cloud pattern, grey slippers

52. Namjoon can’t believe his airport outfit is riding on this experience

53. The staff have set out puffy air bags for them to sleep on, their shape somewhere between a rowboat and a woman’s vagina

54. They all lay down, including Yoongi, with their provided fleece blankets and fuzzy eye masks that say You Are Cool Enough To Me

55. For those who are into feet, there are a LOT of feet shots around now, especially from Sope

56. They’re amazed at how comfortable it is to sleep in the slit of an air vagina

57. Jungkook appears to have already fallen asleep, but he assures them that he’s still with them when they call out

58. When The Amazing Tomato begins to play, Jungkook sits up with a look of such deep concern that it looks like he’s uncovering a dark childhood memory related to tomatoes

59. They all listen in their own ways, Jin with his eyes shut, Jimin with the face mask on and burrowed in his blanket, Taehyung mouthing the words along, and Jungkook with his eyes rolled up to the ceiling in furious concentration

60. As soon as the song is done Namjoon says he’s already forgotten it

61. Others agree, and Yoongi tells them to shut up or they’re losing points

62. Jungkook continues to internalize the song via humming and mouthing words and Yoongi has to threaten him more specifically

63. Fifteen minutes in everyone is sleeping soundly, except possibly Hoseok who keeps wiggling around

64. Jungkook, in fact, is sleeping so soundly that when he leans a little too far and rolls off of this airbag onto the floor he simply stays there, completely passed out

65. Yoongi wakes up, as he’s right next to him, and he silently laughs so hard he nearly starts crying before he closes his eyes again

66. Thirty minutes in the producers have given Yoongi a megaphone that plays the Happy Birthday song at piercingly high notes, and he delights in turning it on

67. Everyone, at this point, was definitely asleep by the way they groggily come to and roll out of their air bags; Namjoon, Taehyung, and Jin all get up and stand in a line in front of a low table with a microphone on it

68. Jungkook is largely impervious to the entire process, even when Yoongi plays the megaphone directly in his ear, though he does sit up at his place on the floor

69. Jimin also refuses to be roused, sitting blearily in his air bag with limited comprehension as to where he is and what he’s doing

70. Hoseok sits on the floor next to his sleeping bag and stares resentfully into space for a moment before forcing his body to move

71. Yoongi’s energy level is at least one hundred times the rest of their energy levels combined, probably because he’s been awake since Jungkook fell over

72. Taehyung takes the mic first and sits on the ground, relatively awake

73. Jungkook is still sitting in the back with his eyes closed and mouth pursed like a kiss, definitely still asleep; they try to wake him up but give up almost instantly

74. Taehyung gets through the first line of the song but can’t maintain, so Jin takes a stab and doesn’t even get as far as Taehyung

75. Throughout this entire process you have to picture Jungkook and Jimin sitting on the floor in the background, Jungkook asleep sitting up and Jimin staring at them so befuddled that he seems not entirely present

76. Namjoon goes for it but lacks the energy to try to sing an actual melody; Yoongi demands that he at least try

77. Jungkook has now decided that he likes sleeping sitting up and curls his blanket up over he knees and leans his chin on it; the overall effect is that he is a flower bulb sprouting a sleeping Jungkook bloom

78. Hoseok starts his turn with a sensual lounge version which Yoongi deems too slow and fails him

79. Taehyung goes again, and he is basically killing this challenge with his great memory, but he doesn’t have it all

80. During Namjoon’s next turn Hoseok dances happily behind him and laughs when Namjoon doesn’t know the right tune

81. Taejoon consult with each other between turns and Taehyung is absorbing it all

82. Yoongi starts getting really into the song during Hoseok’s turn and does some ad libs, so much so that he doesn’t realize that they have to do all of the doubling at the end of lines and the producers have to stop the process

83. This requirement proves to be their undoing, as none of them were really paying attention when the song was like “I will be juice (gulp!)” and they have to simply guess words at random and hope they find it

84. Hoseok at one point shouts “Juice!” so loudly and happily that Jimin cracks a half-second smile before he zones out again

85. Namjoon takes Jungkook’s blanket away from him to try to get him to wake up; when Yoongi asks if he’s awake, Jungkook nods his head several times with his eyes totally closed

86. Jimin, also being dragged into this, complains that he has no idea either so why are they making him stand up

87. Jungkook finally stands up as everyone goes, shuffling away from the action at a snail’s pace

88. Yoongi assumes he’s trying to find the bathroom and has to tell him he’s going the wrong way; Jungkook glares at him with his eyes closed because what he’s actually doing is looking for the blanket that Namjoon stole so that he can sit in it like a nest again

89. They finally figured out the juice one, but now the ketchup one is confounding them

90. When Namjoon goes and is not even close to the pitch, Jungkook cracks a smile

91. Jimin takes his first attempt like a man in a slumber party hostage video

92. Yoongi raises the tempo to increase the energy, but mostly everyone is just very annoyed

93. Yoongi gives them a clue, asking them to think about a famous ketchup brand; none of them can think of a single one so he tells them it’s OttoOi

94. Sweet Namjoon actually believes him and tries it out, and everyone is very endeared

95. Yoongi counts off enthusiastically when Jungkook steps up, and Jungkook stares at him blankly because this is his first turn and he has no idea what to do

96. Despite the fact that Jungkook is still only half with them, his voice sounds like an angel as he sings about this tomato

97. Yoongi asks him if he remembers falling off of the air bag and falling back asleep, and Jungkook could not know less about what he’s talking about if it never actually happened

98. Jimin finally gets the ad-lib right (squirt) and is not prepared to keep going; when he flubs the next line he screams into the mic like he’s about to snap a board in half with the palm of his hands, and that board is Yoongi

99. Yoongi is like “woah woah woah, I’ve never done anything wrong in my whole life”

100. Taehyung starts with high energy, Namjoon dancing behind him, and Yoongi gets so into it he starts up with the ad libs again

101. During a particularly enthusiastic “come on come on” Taehyung messes up, and now it’s a race to see who murders Yoongi first

102. Yoongi explains that he’s simply having a really fun time hanging out with his bros, and once again he’s never done anything wrong

103. It’s revealed that there’s another double in the last line and they simply cannot believe it

104. They’ve been singing this tomato song for almost ten minutes of video and probably thirty minutes of their actual lives; this is how global superstars live

105. Jungkook finally hits on the new double (hey!) and Hoseok screams so loudly with the thought they might almost be done

106. Little do they know that there is an adjective for the tomato that they simply do not know

107. Yoongi gives them a hint because even though he’s having a great time this can’t be his whole life from now on

108. Taehyung takes a shot with Namkook behind him getting absolutely lost in the club, and he finally gets it to end their long nightmare

109. Even more importantly for Taejoon, they don’t have to wear their retro clothes, and Taehyung takes a lesson from Hoseok and begins doing a victory dance as they edit Mic Drop in as BGM

110. Yoongi now has to reveal which team he randomly sided with in part one, and Jungkook grins hugely and puts his arm around Yoongi’s shoulders with glee

111. He leans up close to the camera with the Tomato song mic and says “What will happen… to Min Yoongi?” which is a great trailer shot

112. They decide to maximize entertainment and have the rest of them look at it first, then hold it up to the camera behind him so he’s the last one to know

113. As Jimin goes to get it, Yoongi aggressively yells at the production team not to play any jokes or tricks and stick with what fate decided, and they’re being filmed, and he can sue their asses any time he likes

114. Everyone sees that he’s with Team Glasses, the winners, and Hoseok says “are you sure you don’t want to switch??”

115. Yoongi, both because he has enormous faith in himself and because you can’t con a con man, is like hell no

116. He’s reward for his faith, and claims he read the minds of the producers and knew that he would win, and all sorts of extremely Yoongi things about how he’s magic

117. Yoongi wraps up by saying this was their best episode ever, because he had so much fun, and Hoseok is like “yes, YOU had so much fun”

118. They close out by showing Team Kim Seokjin at the airport in their retro fits, and of course they should look dumb but these are three of the hottest men in the world and they look incredible, if not particularly comfortable

119. They finish with some kind of Charlie’s Angels pose although I think it’s actually from an anime, and we’re out!

The Finish Line:

Well that was quite the roller coaster ride from beginning to end! It was great to see Yoongi having the time of his life out there, doing his little Yoongi things and laughing at everyone else. This period of their life must have been really stressful but also really exciting, given how successful the WINGS tour was, so it’s always nice to see some genuine joy.

And some genuine torture as well, as that sleeping Tomato song game was truly cruel in the best way. We’ll see them trying to be intelligent after just waking up in future episodes, but this might have been the first time we really saw them whirring to life without warning, and it might not be a pretty picture but it is a very funny one!

I’m also very happy for Taehyung, who definitely struggled in the first games in this episode, getting to be the hero with a great memory for songs and bring it home for his team. He avoided the long belt, and that’s something he can be proud of for the rest of his life.

See you next week for yet another Golden Era episode - it’s a long one!